Thursday, Apr 23, 2015
Shortly after Dennis and I were married, we decided we were ready to start a family. School was paid off, we both had good jobs, and we even owned our own home, so we had no reason to wait.
Life doesn’t always go as planned.
A few months passed, but it wasn’t a big deal. There was no hurry.
Six months passed. I began to feel a nagging worry, but I pushed it down. These things take time, sometimes.
Then, a whole year passed. That’s when I began to feel a strange choking sensation; something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
It was fear.
Growing up, life generally went very well for me. Most things I tried succeeded; I was reasonably popular and avoided trouble. I never really doubted that someday I’d meet Mr. Right and marry him. But, for some reason, I always had the niggling worry: “what if we can’t have children?”
I have no idea why that thought was there. I’m one of six, my dad is one of nine, my mom is one of eight, and my grandpa is one of SEVENTEEN, for goodness’ sake! But, when the twelve-month mark came and went without a single hope, every one of those thoughts came rushing over me in a tidal wave of fated reality. Still, we had friends who’d had to wait a year as well, so we assured ourselves it must happen soon.
The year that followed was difficult. We had many questions and comments directed to us by well-meaning people who thought it was “high time” and that we should be “getting on with it,” which, although we wholeheartedly agreed, only made it harder to deal with. I felt trapped at work, even though it was a great job, because there seemed to be no end in sight and all I wanted was maternity leave. Dennis and I refused to give in to disappointment, so we even signed up to help with nursery at church for awhile. We kept busy and built a new house, which we painted entirely ourselves—even the baseboards and doors. It was a good distraction, but our quiet home felt barren and empty.
After two whole years had passed, we couldn’t deny any longer that we needed help. We made an appointment and heard the dreaded word: infertility. I felt strangled and broken.
We had no idea of the miracle that would soon come our way.
(To be continued…)